Saturday with Stunning Sierra

Yesterday, Sierra and I drove up to Tilton, NH together. We were on mission to get her Senior photos done, and she was so anxious to see Pat. It had been 3 weeks since he left, and she has really missed him. My wonderful friend Jess took the photos above, and many more too. She is so talented. I think the best part of these pictures is that they have somehow helped to open Sierra's eyes to see how beautiful she really is :) When countless people call you stunning, a little of it has to sink in, right?! ;)

I had a great day with her, we had lots of "one-on-one" time, which has been very rare.

The visit with Pat was great, and Sierra was all smiles...all day. :) Unfortunately, after saying goodbye, she burst into tears. I drove from Tilton to a little bit into Massachusetts. I wanted to give her some time to shed some tears and compose herself. :( Long-distance relationships are very hard. I truly believe Sierra is in love for the first time in her life, and this will definitely be a tough road. However, I also believe that what she and Pat share is special, and it's worth the pain that comes with distance. I hope for both of their sakes, that they can stick this school year out. They are both genuine, loving kids. They're young, but both have what it takes to be faithful to each other...and this can help them learn what a healthy, positive relationship is like. Someday, they can look back on these memories and use what they learned to help them in establishing a successful, life-long partnership with someone.

Columbus Day weekend is coming up. Pat doesn't have a long weekend, and Sierra does. She really, really wants to go visit him. I'm torn. :( Her driving left me a bit worried, and not 100% comfortable. I need to do some thinking and praying about it. I want her to be able to see him, and I love the smile he brings to her beautiful face. However, I also need to follow my gut. If I don't, and something happens to her...I'll never forgive myself. :( *sigh* Sometimes being a Mom isn't very fun. :(

Born to love it...

So, I've been passing the time trying not to obsess about the Disney Mom's panel (not having a lot of luck with that endeavor, lol)...

Shawn and I were chatting this morning about Disney World (a common conversation in our house). He said, "Mom, you were born to love Disney, remember? It was dedicated on the same day you were born!" We've talked about that once before, and I guess that piece of Disney trivia stuck in his head. There's a plaque in MK's Town Square that has Roy Disney's dedication on it, and the kids think it's cool that it was Mom's birthday too...

A piece of history about that day: "5000 plus performers, (not counting the 500 doves that were released), joined in the Grand Opening Celebration of Walt Disney World at the Magic Kingdom on October 25, 1971."

What a magical celebration that must have been :)

His His Hurts my Heart...

I got a call at 1:50 today from Shawn's school nurse, he had yet another headache. The Tylenol didn't touch it and he needed to come home.


As mentioned before, I've been told by the Neuro that it is NOT an allergy, but a "condition" instead. The level of serotonin in his brain drops for some unknown reason. It's a "neurological disorder" that he will hopefully, someday outgrow. In the meantime, we are desperately trying to get them under control to break this nearly 4 month long cycle that we have been in. Poor guy, walking out of school today he teared up and asked, "Why does it always have to be ME whose hurting, Mom?" He's just so darned tired of it all...and honestly, it's just heartbreaking for me. :(


I do have faith in the Neuro. He's out of Mass General & highly recommended...I just won't accept that my son has to deal with this indefinitely. Seriously, I post very little about it on here (or Facebook), but the extent of frustration & frequency of headaches is quite crazy really. I don't give up and am an incredibly determined person...and this is just very, very trying on the soul. Shawn is SUCH a good kid and it just devastates me that I can't help him. We've had ONE day since school started that he hasn't come home off the bus (or earlier like today) with a headache. His quality of life is just shot right now, and I hate it. :( I just want my outgoing, fun-loving little athlete back. :(

I found myself picturing Shawn at Disney a lot today. He adores the "World" and everything about it...hmm...a lot like his Mom ;) He is always grinning from ear to ear, with his big dimple on display. I often go there in my mind...to Disney...and I gather together the memories of past trips. I went searching for this photo of Shawn and Goofy. It was during our last trip in April, and he insisted on a pic of just the 2 of them. He remembered how on the previous trip in August, Goofy had given him a high-five...and he thought that was the coolest thing. :) He kept following Goofy around the room with his eyes...and I just sat there smiling and soaking it all in. Little did I know that just a few months after that, I'd give anything to see that happy smile again.

Tears come easy for me these days, which is quite unlike me. It's a culmination of months of not being able to fix this...and the utter helplessness that I feel. Mom's are supposed to be able to fix hurts...and when I can't it, it literally, physically hurts my heart :( Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Disney Dreaming...

Disney World is in the air in our house (what's new, right?!)

The 2010 search for the Mom's Panel began last week, and I submitted my answers. I just know it's a job I'm supposed to do...as I always get so much joy in helping to plan WDW vacations for friends and family. :) I'll be hoping for a sprinkling of Pixie Dust to land on my application. I chose to use a few sentences from last years answers. It was a tough call to make, but I am hoping it rings a bell for them...and they'll remember me that way. Guess I'll find out soon if that was a good idea or not. Yikes. I SO want this, but have always believed that everything happens for a reason...so whatever will be, will be.

Kasi came home from school today with a pile of blank papers. She wanted to staple them together so she could write her own book. I watched quietly as she drew our family on a plane for the first page. Then, page by page, she drew her Disney memories. She later brought the book to me to "read" it to me. "This is you and me at Animal Kingdom, these are those big trucks and we are on the safari looking at hippos. This is Daddy, Shawn, Jared & Malia going on the big rollercoaster with the train (Thunder Mountain)...me and you are over here on the Pooh Bear ride because my tummy hurt from that rollercoaster the first time so you brought me to Pooh Bear...remember that? I think everytime my belly hurts, we should go to Disney to go on the Pooh Bear ride because it makes me feel better, don't you? This is us on the Tower of Terror...you are holding my hand so I'm not scared. This is us on the Nemo ride, I love looking at all those fishies with you, Mommy. I love, Disney, don't you?"

Yes, I think my littlest girl takes after her Mommy with a deep love for all things Disney :) Her thoughts are already filled with countless magical memories of the Happiest Place on Earth.

I sure hope I am given the gift of sharing my love and passion with the world. :)

8 Years Ago...

9/11/01...a date forever etched into our memories.

EIGHT Years ago today, the world as we knew it changed forever.

These family photos were taken a few weeks after that devastating day...during a time that Patriotism could be measured with the beat of every American's heart. This war has dragged on for too long, it's time to bring our soldiers home. :( It's time for our Country to stand United once again. Today we all remember, and we pray for peace.

God Bless America.

What a headache (update on Shawn)

Shawn and I had his appointment with the Pediatric Neurologist this afternoon. I only have a minute to update right now...but basically this is what I DO know:

1) It is NOT an allergy causing this.

2) Many people are under the misconception that migraines are merely bad headaches instead of a serious neurological disorder. Shawn has a neurological disorder. His specific diagnosis is "Migraine without Aura" (meaning without warning).

3) It is believed for some reason, his levels of serotonin (a naturally occurring body chemical) drops in his brain stem and causes these headaches to begin.

He gave me 2 websites with info. There are several kinds of migraines in kids...Shawn's is listed on this page.

http://www.headaches.org/educational_modules/completeguide/migraine2.html

Some kids have triggers, some do not. He is leaning towards Shawn NOT having one...which makes it even harder to figure out. He re-iterated that it's a disorder, and sometimes there isn't a "why" just an "it is" in those cases.

He is putting him on a preventative pill for now. Once in the evenings for a week, then adding the mornings too until we break this cycle (must go at least 3 weeks w/out a headache). The stomach pains he suffered were 99% most likely caused by the ulcer, which was caused by trying to treat the Migraine. If he gets a really bad one, then he has also prescribed Reglan (as an "abortive" medication...to stop the migraine). He'll take that and go rest in a dark, quiet room.

There IS a small possibility he will outgrow this at adolescence , there's also the likelihood that he will be a migraine sufferer for the rest of his life. The goal will be to make them less frequent and somehow manageable.

We are to chart everything for 7 weeks, hope to see a decrease in frequency due to this medication, and go from there.

:( My poor Shawny. :( I was hoping for a quick fix and easy answer. :(

Bye for Now

Summer has come to a close. My kids started back to school last Wednesday, and Patrick leaves to Tilton School tomorrow morning. Sierra has had an amazing summer. I've watched her blossom in so many ways. Her relationship with Pat has brought out the very best in my daughter, and she and I have shared a bond that we've never been able to fully appreciate before. Granted, I've had to accept a few things that I wasn't quite ready for...but it's never easy to watch your child grow up. She's made decisions and choices that have ultimately made me very proud. We'll all miss Pat and we look forward to visits from him this Fall and hopefully throughout the school year. :)