Sunday, May 31, 2009

Mom of the Year

Thanks to my wonderful friend, Kirsty for bestowing this lovely award upon me. Kirsty is a special friend who I've known for about 9 years. She has 4 beautiful children and is amusing, honest, dedicated, faithful and a role model for her children and friends. What I love most about Kirsty is that she is "real". She's not afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve and let's people know when they've messed up...but she does it with love. A girl after my own heart :)

Rules of the Award:Admit one thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are no longer allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!

*Well, let's see...sometimes, I reach my limit. I lose my patience and am less than, ahem, "calm, cool and collected". I'll admit, this is generally with Sierra, my teenager. Sometimes, she just pushes my buttons and then...she pushes them again. On those days (which thankfully are few and far between)...I end up yelling like a lunatic and then cry myself to sleep feeling like the worst mom on the planet. The regret is horribly painful. I will pat myself on the back though, as of late, I've not allowed her to get to me nearly as often ;)

Remind yourself you are a good mom, list seven things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself everyday that you Rock!

1) I'm passionate about my family. My husband and kids know that they come first...always. There is NOTHING that I wouldn't do for them that was with-in my means to accomplish. To quote my son, "Mom's got our back". I do, and I'm proud of it.

2) I'm a Memory Maker. I make a point of making the most out of every holiday and turning mundane "events" into something the kids will always remember. From vacations to holidays...I put my heart and soul into making memories for my kids. I've created countless traditions that are "must-do's" every holiday. I just know the kids will cherish these memories as they grow. I know I do already.

3) My kids are polite. I am often told by adults how courteous and polite my kids are. They often put others before themselves, use their manners and make me proud when they are in public.

4) Vacations. We've taken our kids on 4 Disney vacations so far. The memories made on these trips will last a lifetime. We love the family together time, the all encompassing atmosphere of Disney and the magic we find there is priceless. We also go camping every summer. A week at wonderful "Justamere" in Maine, and another one in a tent by the sea. The best part of vacations...Their smiles. My kids have the best smiles. They can light up a room with them, and their giggles are contagious. The best laughs are shared in a tent, under a star filled sky, with the ocean waves nearby. Laughter echoes out on Washburn Island...and it lifts your spirits. I love sharing those moments with my kids...and am looking forward to the last week of August for more camping :)

5) I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I believe a mother needs to teach her children to find their moral compass and to use it. Motherhood is not a popularity contest. Sometimes, your kids won't like you...but if you are doing things right, they will always respect and love you.

6) I watch the Patriots, Red Sox and Celtics with my boys..and I know what is going on! ;) I'm actually probably the biggest Pat's fan in this house. My boys think it's pretty cool that their Mom can throw a football "like a guy" and totally gets into the sports games with them :)

7) I love my kids with all of my heart and my soul...and they know that with all of theirs.

Send this to five other Mom's Of The Year that deserve credit for being great moms and remind them that they are the best moms they can be!! Remember to send them a note to let them know you've selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you.

Stefani - My Love Knot Always supportive, a wonderful friend and amazing Mom :)

Sara - A New Kind of Perfect Her strength amazes and inspires me.

Michelle- thepaparazzimom Mom of 4 adorable kidlets, full of faith and love.

Denise- Full Nest...- A wonderful Mom of 6, she is strong, determined and always looking at the positive side of things.

Stephanie- I've been following this blog since the writer, "Nie" was involved in a plane crash. The Lord has been sending her daily miracles and has her in the palm of His hand. She is an inspiration and a beautiful Mom.

Friday, May 29, 2009


...and suddenly, I woke up...and the dream came to an end."

That's the ending I would use if I were writing a story of a dream realized...then taken away.

My Mom is moving back to Maine today. Yes, in October, I sat here and wrote of how she was moving to the Cape, for good, forever. Alas, that was not to be. Deep in my heart I think I always knew it wouldn't last. Unfortunately, I allowed myself to believe now, it hurts even more that she is gone. I "get" why she moved...when I am looking at it through her eyes. It's hard to beat a $49,000 house, when a comparable one would be $200,000 more than that here on beautiful Cape Cod. I also know she believes she is doing what is meant to be, and that she will be able to turn around and sell it in a few years and move back (with more $ to put down on a piece of paradise). I "get" it...but I don't have to like it.

I so enjoyed my time with her here. Quick trips to Stop & Shop, walks around the block, the Holidays together, inside jokes...knowing she was 5 minutes away and could be here in the blink of an eye. THAT is what I will miss the most. Hugging her last night I burst into tears, and that continued for a good hour or two. Kasi cried too, as did Shawn. Jared just kept saying he can't wait until she moves back..."when do you think she'll be back, Mom?" I told him I hope she proves me wrong, and it will be soon.

The past 7 months were wonderful, and all too good to be true. :(

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I've spent a LOT of time as of late contemplating who I used to be. This photo was taken on my 19th Birthday. I lived in Portland, Oregon...and I was a mess. It took me YEARS to overcome the pain and scars that my childhood left me with. Years. Looking back now, I realize that I don't even know who I was then. I was bitter, hurt, confused and clueless. I went about my days with reckless abandon, breaking hearts...most tragically, my own. I look back and I'm not sure exactly what it is that I was trying to accomplish, perhaps trying to dull the pain that my uncle left, trying to fill a void left when my Dad moved away...I really don't know. All I know is that I barely recognize that Kaylene, and for that I am eternally grateful and proud. I lost myself on the path to finding myself...strange as that sounds. In high-school, Chris was my rock. He was my boyfriend and best friend all in one. We moved to Oregon and I started college. Somewhere in there, everything fell apart...we were much too young and immature. We took what could have been a beautiful life and threw it away...with precious little thought. I met Darin ... and well, as we all know, that was doomed before it even started. When I had Sierra, all alone in a hospital room in Oregon, ironically, I slowly began to heal. Darin had abandoned me, yet another male in the long line that had hurt me...and it was Sierra and I against the world. Someone needed me to be a good example, to show her right from wrong, to be her rock in this world. Then, I made the decision to try and forgive Darin, and had Jared...only to be abandoned again. I know that was all meant to be, as Jared quickly became a tangible piece of all that was good and right in me. On the day he was born, I told Darin that Jared and I were kindred spirits...that he may look like Darin, but he has my insides. That has held true. Then there were a few other failed relationships, more self-loathing, more heart-break. Finally, it happened. I looked at my daughter and I realized I didn't want her to grow up thinking it was okay for a man to treat her the way I had allowed myself to be treated. I looked at my son and I realized I didn't want him to grow up thinking it was okay to treat a woman this way. I searched among the rubble, and I found myself. I found my strength, I forgave myself and I moved on. A while later, I met Steve. He jokes now that he thought I hated men when he met me (it was partially true). We decided that this relationship would begin on solid ground, firm commitment, honesty and most importantly-respect. We've built an amazing life together...he is my best friend and soul mate--5 beautiful kids, almost 10 years of marriage...a relationship to be proud of. I had a long conversation with Sierra yesterday. She doesn't appreciate the "strict" way we're bringing her up..."how come other parents don't care if their kids do drugs? how come you're the only mother in town who doesn't let their kid drink?" I firmly told her that I will not apologize for the way I'm raising her, but she is welcome to thank me for it. She has a moral compass, she has had stability, she was raised in a calm, honest home...where her parents treated each other with love and respect. She has an amazing role model in Steve, and her Mom's not too bad either ;) The day will soon come when she is off on her own...nearly 18 with her whole life before her. She doesn't have the demon's to battle that I did. I can only pray that her road is the end, if she turns out to be the kind of Mom and wife I am...I believe she'll have done pretty well for herself.
About 6 months ago, I reconnected with Chris. It was therapeutic and healing. I had been haunted by some mistakes, and even though my heart had long since healed (thanks to Steve), I never had closure. I apologized for my part in hurting him, and we forgave each other. Thankfully, Steve understood my need for that. I don't know that I'll ever have that sort of resolution with Darin, the wounds are deep and sometimes...time doesn't heal all. I'm okay with that though, I know I've done right by our children, and I know that he has numerous demons of his own that he still battles. That's his issue. Life is about learning... learning to love, learning to forgive, learning to accept that we can't change the past and sometimes, learning to demand change when it's called for. I demanded myself. I've become the person that was always deep inside me...17+ years of being someone my children can be proud of. Life dealt me some pretty harsh blows...I fought them and landed on my feet with my head held high.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Time Alone Together...

I've been talking to Steve about taking a trip ... just the 2 of us. Granted, with finances the way they are, the trip may be across the water to Martha's Vineyard or something....but that would be wonderful. We realize that we have spent so many of our days consumed with the children...and we don't put each other first. We believe that our kids are supposed to come very high on our priority lists and they do...but somehow we have neglected each other in that process. So, we are in the process of finding time alone...together. :) That's a bit of an oxymoron I suppose.

Originally for our 10th Anniversary (this October), we dreamt of travelling to the Caribbean. Aruba was the destination. Then, reality (finances) hit...and we've scaled back a bit. Our 10th will be Columbus Day weekend (just like when we were married). We're considering driving to Vermont or New Hampshire to enjoy the foliage. He wants to golf, I want to just "be". Time with my demands, no activities to drive to for the kids, no homework, no dinner to cook...nothing. How magical.

In the meantime, we've been working on spending more time with each other at home. We both get off the computers at 11pm. Sierra's lights are to be OFF by 10 (ususally she doesn't get them off until 10:30 though). Then at 11, we can sit and chat for a bit. Recap the day, snuggle, whatever...just be alone...together.

Friday, May 8, 2009

What's in a name...

I went to Shawn's class for a "Mother's Day Tea" today. He shared a "Mother's Day Poem" he wrote me (first word of each sentence starts with a letter of my name). So cute...

K ind and loving
A mazing cook
Y ou are the best mom in the world
L oves the family
E veryday you love me
N othing is the same without you
E ven when I'm in trouble, you still love me

He read it to me in front of the class, and yes, I got teary eyed. :) What a sweet son I have :)