Monday, September 6, 2010

It Ends...

Eleven years ago, I left my job as a Hotel Front Office Manager to stay home with the kids. I was expecting Shawn, so Steve and I decided to make whatever financial sacrifices were necessary for me to be able to be home for the children. As the years went by, I had Malia and Kassia too. It wasn't always easy, but having the opportunity to be a "stay-at-home-mom" is a gift that I will forever cherish. Shawn, Malia and Kassia didn't ever have to go to daycare. Jared and Sierra got to have me home from the moment they walked in the door from school. I was able to be there for the memories.

Last night it hit me hard that Kassia is going to Kindergarten tomorrow. I knew this would be hard, but I don't think I realized quite how difficult. I started thinking back to this Spring when she and I were going around the block together, with her piggie-tails flying in the breeze, and how that had affected me even then. (See blog post: http://fivetimesblessed.blogspot.com/2010/03/piggie-tails-in-breeze.html). I got all teary and headed to bed. Steve soon joined me, asking what was wrong. We ended up talking about how Kasi is going to school, and that led to how all the kids are growing up too fast. Shawn is more than half way to 18 and Jared is going to High School. When we moved to the Cape, Jared was home with me for a year before going to Kindergarten...and now he's going to High School?? How did THAT happen? Yeah, so as you can imagine, I cried some more...and Steve's eyes weren't particularly dry either.

I decided that someone needs to create a "pause" button. I would give anything to stop time right now, the day before my last baby goes to Kindergarten. I know how very blessed I have been to be home with my children. I made sacrifices giving up my career, and we've lived "tight" financially through the years...but I would not trade these years for anything in the world. They've been priceless. It ends tomorrow, and I can assure you...I'll be having a very hard time letting go. I'm not just letting go of my baby, my 2nd grader, my "last-year-of-Elementary school boy", my Freshman in High School and my College Freshman. I'm letting go of the last 11 years of staying home to take care of kids. I'll be searching for a job again, this time with different requirements: It'll need to be the same hours that the kids are in school so I can be here when they get home. I don't need to make a ton of money, and have a big fancy title after my name. Nope. I need to continue to snuggle my children, hold their hands and hear, "I love you, Mommy". I'll just have to wait until they get off the bus from now on to do it...

2 comments:

Janet said...

Thinking of you today. I'm still putting off finding a job two years later. ;)

sweetpeamd said...

Thank you for the beautiful entry. I found the link to your blog over at the DisBoards and I look forward to reading more. I, too, quit work just over 10 years ago to stay at home with my 4 children. It was one of the best decisions my husband and I have ever made. I am home schooling my youngest (4 yr old girl) in preschool this year and she will be heading off to kindergarten next fall. Your blog entry made me tear up as I thought ahead to that day when she will go to "real school." I will hug her a few extra times today! Thank you for your heartfelt entry.