Missing Me

"Every Flower Blooms In It's Own Time, Just As Every Person Does."

I've been clinging to that quote this week.

Last Friday, November 5th, Kasi started having a rough time with school. I had volunteered in the morning and when it was time for her lunch, she started crying. Turns out, she cried all through lunch and didn't eat at all. At first I thought she might be coming down with something, because her tummy hurt. She just kept saying, "I miss my Mommy". It threw me a little, because Kasi had loved school up until this point. She would say, "School RULES", and was so excited to go each day. The weekend was rough, because she told me she didn't want to go to school anymore. I chatted with her and thought we were all set to face the next week. Nope. She ended up crying the majority of the morning on Monday, Tuesday and part of Wednesday. The only explanation she gave anyone, "I miss my Mommy". *sigh*. Thursday night she cried herself to sleep in my arms, and just kept saying over and over that she didn't want to go to school. I asked her if something is happening at school to upset her? Is someone being mean to her? She simply said, "I don't like missing you." I rearranged volunteering in Shawn and Malia's classes and made pinkie promise to her that I'd have lunch with her and we'd walk one lap of "Mileage Club" together. I walked 3. She cried when I left her on the playground. :( We survived the week. Last night, she started crying again:

"Mommy, how long is the weekend?"

"2 Days, Kassia, why?"

"It's not long enough, I miss you and I don't like missing you. I miss hanging out with you and being your buddy."

I knew it had to be more than what she is expressing on the surface, and through lots of chats she has shared that she misses me during the morning, "Language Block" at school. Mrs. G is going to make some adjustments to her "group" of kids (she didn't have a friend in her group before). I hope that makes a difference. In fact, I'm desperate for it to. It doesn't compute that she would start missing me now, 2 months into school. She was fine in September and October. The fact that the morning Language block is when it hits her makes me think something during that time frame isn't making her comfortable, which in turn makes her miss me.

I've lost TOO much sleep these past 8 nights. I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with solutions to what could be going on with my girlie. I know 4 things:

1) She has always been shy and super attached to me. I called her "Velcro" when she was a baby for a reason, she is Mommy's Girl through and through. We were both blessed that we had the first 6 years of her life together...no daycare...just Mommy. It makes sense that she misses me...and it's not nearly as much as I miss her.

2) I miss her smile. It absolutely breaks my heart to know she is crying at school every day. Knowing that she sobs on her way to lunch and is so upset that she can't eat...kills me. :( I hate, hate, hate knowing that she is sad. I hate more that I can't seem to fix it. I know it HAS to be more than missing me, she's just not articulating that yet. :(

3) I WILL get to the bottom of this. Mrs. G is fantastic and is working with me on this. We'll try different solutions and we'll figure this out. Somehow. We have to, because my heart can't take this much longer. She has been teary for 5 school days and has now cried herself to sleep 2 nights. It's not "drama" either. These are genuine, super-sad little girl tears. Every Mommy prides herself on being able to comfort her children...to "fix" whatever is wrong. It kills me that I can't seem to fix this.

4) I know that "Every Flower Blooms In It's Own Time, Just As Every Person Does." Kassia is her own unique person and her feelings are very valid. She will blossom when she is good and ready. In the meantime, she requires some extra attention and love.

These photos taken a few weeks ago, make me smile and I need that right now. Fact is, I need to see my Kasi Girl smile.